Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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