I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
