i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
