It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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