apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
