Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
