five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
