Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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