Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
