phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
