Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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