his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
