He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
