ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
