The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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