Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
