You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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