My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you win again, gameday.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
