This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
