her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
