making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
