we're blogging at a bar
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
