I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
