I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
