remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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