I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
