Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
