My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
