He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
