I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
