She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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