Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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