In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
