your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We need to rekindle our bromance
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
