He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
