i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's on the porch naked. Help.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
