oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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