the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
