Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
