I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
