Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
