Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
