if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
