dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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