Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
