Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
