He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
vagina is talking i cant
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
