I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
