He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
