I love how my cats smell like pot.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
